Phrase coined by Cathy Janathon White in response to one of my earlier blogs to describe the shiny, new gear, new year’s resolutioners cluttering gyms throughout January and winding us regulars up with their fuckwittery.
There was one today, actually I’d seen him a few weeks ago, also on a wednesday which isn’t normally a day I go to the gym so he might well be a regular. I suspect not though because if he were he’d be injured more often than not given he seemed intent on breaking his own back.
I watched him this morning (via the mirror as you do (you know you do it too!)) perch on the very edge of the chest press machine, arch his back so his shoulders were the only part of him in contact with the back rest and then gurn away in complete agony as he mercifully did very few reps.
I’m not a natural artist but I’ve tried to depict his injury enticing form here;
He then proceeded to arch his back the opposite way while completely misusing the seated row before doing something I’d seen the other week.
Over he goes to the lat pull down machine, that’s the one where you pull the bar down with your arms making the movement (though it also works your lats, obviously) you should use it a bit like this;
(my drawing’s getting a bit better eh?)
I know what’s about to happen so while I recover from my tricep, bicep, crunches triple-hard-bastard-damn-you-lurgee-why-can’t-I-breathe? set I watch with interest as he approaches, grabs the bar and then for 2 full minutes (I had a timed 60 second rest and then was near the end of a tricep drop set) proceeded to stand and do what can only be described as a golfers wiggle, you know the one, when they’re standing over the ball trying to get their stance right.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, shake, shake, shake and then, boom, right into it. In one smooth movement he’s sat down, nearly pulling his arms out of their sockets and proceeded to do what can only be described as a rowing motion, his back contorting in strange shapes, first concave then convex, arms remaining virtually motionless, full 90 degrees of motion from the hips, he’s effectively rowing up hill!
I admit I spat a small guffaw and then went back to my workout and my thoughts of if I should go and correct his form.
Worst was to come mind you. I left the gym area at roughly the same time and so got to witness him not have a shower and instead just slip into his suit, presumably off to sit, putrid, in an office somewhere. Some poor sod has to sit next to this man, smelling his musky gym smell and listening to him complain about his back. Hopefully for him it’s just a fad.
Back to the point. We’re all new years noobs in a way, well those of us who normally give ourselves rest days when it’s not January. We push ourselves for 31 days straight (or in my usual case, for as many days as it takes to get injured) each Janathon and sometimes I do wonder if it’s a bit dangerous/daft. I guess it can be if you go too hard but treat it sensibly and it’s a great kick-start to your year.
Hopefully no-one’s succumbed to injury from the additional exertions this year and hopefully some of you (and me) will carry it on, albeit at a less frenetic pace throughout the year. Hopefully you’ve all remembered to shower too!
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